the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
