I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
