she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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