Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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