I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
