dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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