even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
