just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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