The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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