Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
