im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
