He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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