I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
