I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
