dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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