He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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