I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
