My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
