All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
