Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Randomize
