You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
only if we run a train.
done.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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