Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
