Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
