Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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