I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
