do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
