She said her name was "party"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You pole danced in your parka.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
