Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
