She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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