I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
