youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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