I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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