whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
