white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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