My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
