i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
