I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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