Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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