I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
