You really coming over, don't trick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
