Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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