You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
