...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
