Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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