Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
