im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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