david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
