I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
