Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
