I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
