I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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