I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have fence marks all over my body
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
