soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to align my fucking chakras
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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