you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Buhtt sex?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
