she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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